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Dating Violence

What is dating violence?

Dating violence is a pattern of behavior in an intimate relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Dating violence is a form of domestic violence and is also called intimate partner violence.

Loyola's Community Standards defines dating violence as "any violence (including but not limited to emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse or threat of abuse) between two people who are or have been in a social relationship of a romantic or intimate nature. The existence of such a relationship will depend on the length and type of the relationship and the frequency of interactions between the persons involved."

For more information about how allegations of dating violence are handled, see §409 Gender-Based Misconduct and Title IX.

What does dating violence look like?

Healthy relationships are built on communication, respect and mutual understanding.  However, abusive relationships are built on power, control and fear. Abusers use many different methods to maintain control over their partners. Tactics abusers use to gain control over their partner may be:

Physical:

  • Scratching, punching, biting, strangling, or kicking
  • Pulling your hair
  • Pushing or pulling you
  • Grabbing your clothing
  • Grabbing your face to make you look at them
  • Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or forcing you to go somewhere
  • Using a weapon on you

Emotional/Verbal:

  • Calling you names
  • Yelling/screaming at you
  • Intentionally embarrassing you in public
  • Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends or family
  • Telling you what to do/wear
  • Damaging your property
  • Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them
  • Threatening to expose your secrets such as sexual orientation or immigration status

Sexual:

  • Unwanted kissing or touching
  • Rape or attempted rape
  • Refusing to practice safer sex or restricting you from practicing safer sex
  • Using sexual insults toward someone
  • Threating you into unwanted sexual activity

Financial:

  • Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys
  • Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy
  • Denying you access to your money
  • Giving you presents and/or paying for things with only the expectation that you'll "pay them back somehow"
  • Using their money to hold power over you because they know you are not in the same financial situation as they are

Digital:

  • Tells you who you can or can't be friends with on social media
  • Send you negative, insulting, or threatening emails or messages 
  • Uses social media or GPS to keep constant tabs on you
  • Sends you unwanted, explicit photos 
  • Pressures/demands that you send explicit messages
  • Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can't be separated from your phone or you will be in trouble

For more information about abuse see:

Know that abuse is never your fault. There are resources on campus who can help if you have questions, want to learn how to stay safe, or just need to talk. 

 *This page has been adapted from http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/#tab-id-1

How common is dating violence?

Dating violence can happen in same-sex and heterosexual relationships, across all races, throughout all socioeconomic statuses, and in all regions of the country. 

According to the 2011 College Dating Violence and Abuse Poll:

A significant number of college women are victims of violence and abuse.

  • 43% of dating college women report experiencing some violent and abusive dating behaviors.
  • Over one in five college women (22%) report experiencing physical abuse, sexual abuse or threats of physical violence.
  • 52% of college women report knowing a friend who has experienced violent and abusive dating behaviors including physical, sexual, tech, verbal or controlling abuse.

College students do not know how to help their friends and themselves get out of abusive relationships.

  • 58% of college students say they don’t know how what to do to help someone who is a victim of dating abuse.
  • 38% of college students say they don’t know how to get help for themselves on campus if they were a victim of dating abuse.
  • More than half of all college students (57%) say it is difficult to identify dating abuse.

Know that abuse is never your fault.

If you feel that you may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, you are not alone. There are resources for you.

If you feel that someone you know may be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship and you want to help, there are resources for you.